Body, Brains, and Babies

As you can tell from the name of my blog, I think a lot about the future. I think about getting married, having kids, having a career, and doing fun things like traveling the world. Much of what I do now I do because of what it means for my future. I work 40 hours a week to pay for school. I go to school so that I can get an education and a good job (yes, I see the irony). I work out so that I am fit and in good shape for when I get older. I eat as healthy as I can so that I don't age too fast and don't get wrinkled. Yes, this is really what motivates me. Naturally, I am pretty thin and decently smart. If I had no job now and never went to the gym, I would probably look alright and could probably get a mediocre job after graduation. But that's not enough for me because that hinders my ability to have the financially-stable, energetic, healthy family that I want.

However, every now and again I get this weird voice in my head that says "What if?"... "What if you only have a year?" "What if you're never going to have kids?" "What if your ultimate goal is never going to come true?"... Am I just wasting my time?

Of course, there's no way to know. And truthfully I would hate myself if I stopped trying my best just because I thought maybe my dreams wouldn't come true anyway. But, if I stopped living for what might happen tomorrow and started living for today, this is what I would change:

- I would still eat salads and berries and all the healthy food I love, but I would add a lot of chocolate. And ice cream. I would have pizza for dinner more often and have a soft baked chocolate chip cookie every time I had a cup of tea (which is about 3 times a day).

- I would live closer to my boyfriend and my family. I'm two hours away right now because of school, but if I knew that I wouldn't have all the time in the world to spend with them later, I would move back home immediately.

- I would work less and go to the beach more. I would spend more time doing things like going to the movies, going dancing, and meeting new people. Imagine how much I could get done in the 8 hours I spend at my desk every day.

- I would worry less. A lot less. I wouldn't worry as much about my health or my looks. I wouldn't worry about always saying or doing what I "should" do. I wouldn't worry about living debt-free, and I wouldn't worry about being able to support myself financially. I wouldn't worry about damaging my liver with alcohol or my skin with tanning. I wouldn't worry about getting in trouble - with the law, with my work, with my teachers. I wouldn't worry about how what I'm doing now will effect my future in any way.

I guess, like everything else, it comes down to balance. 90% of the time I do what I should or what is best for my body, my brain, and my {eventual} babies. Every once in a while, though, I do throw caution to the wind and do, say, or eat exactly what I want. I'm going to work on making that a bit more balanced (maybe 60/40), but I've always leaned towards taking the safer, more predictable route. I know this about myself and I don't try to fight it. I do know, though, that I only get to live once. So I try and find happiness in every day, even if sometimes that happiness comes from daydreaming about what the future might bring.

What would you do if you knew your actions now wouldn't effect your life in the future?

Love,

Toni